Counting down

I just noticed that it's been days since I posted. I have so many topics that I want to cover -- everything from age to minimally invasive knees, to crutches, personal training and diet. I just want to post something fresh to let my readers (if there are any) know that I'm out there. Thanks for reading. Please do let me know if you're out there. Thanks.

Dream of the Doulas

Last night I had a weird pre-surgery dream. Not THAT kind of dream. So in the dream, I'm going back to my old (previous) surgeon and telling her about my new surgeon. In real life, I happen to think a great deal of my previous surgeon. She did three different surgeries and found a mass in my knee that a previous doctor said did not exist. So she'll always be my hero (if you think a lionis grateful for the extraction of a measly thorn, think about how much it would mean to get a big mass of junk pulled out of your knee.) I digress. But dear reader/s (in case there really are two of you) I will return to the dream. So, it turns out that this surgery not only involves a new knee but he's going to throw in a new hand. Back to real life for a second: I suffer from from some repetitive strain injury, which is why use voice recognition software. I will leave it at that for now. Anyhow, because I'm getting a new hand as well as a new knee, I realize I won't be able to walk with crutches and I will need a lot more help. The doctor in the dream tests my hand and sure enough it turns out that I need a new one. In the dream hand transplants are clearly normal. So then she tells me that I should get help from a "hospital doula." You know doulas. . . they are the people who help guide you through the birthing process. And now there are doulas (in real life) who helped guide people through the dying process. But no, I had never heard of a hospital doula before. Seems like a good idea, doesn't it? They appear not to exist.

(PS The photo is a modified view from my brother's deck. I thought it seemed dreamlike.)

Support team

Honestly, I just wanted an excuse to post these pictures. Note the size difference. The big guy is Henry, aka Bunny (don't ask) and the little one is Kali, aka Kali. Also, please note that it had to be a very cold day for them to be sitting this close together. They're on a heated pad. It should be plenty big enough for two. Alas, there's Henry and his "slow metabolism."

Virtual Knee Surgery

Ok. Now THIS is way cool. Virtual surgery. And yes. Scary. Hmmm. This appears to be a theme, doesn't it? You can also look at the real pictures. But I don't recommend it.

The doctor here is very nice and reassuring.

Interactive tutoring

Just found this online. It goes over the basics of the surgery, arthritis and everything else. The "risks and complications" section could scare the crap out of anyone, including me. There are always risks. I actually went through the whole tutorial with voiceover. I liked it. But you can do text only as well.

(I took the photo to the left of a bee's knees from this site. Please forgive me. But it's a great photo. And great knees.)

Fear

So today, I'm just flat out scared. As in WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING? Except I don't use theword 'hell' in my head. I've been reading posts on this great email group I belong to. Some talk about surgery that didn't go as they wanted; they still live with pain. Others say they wish they'd done it sooner. A friend asked, if my pain was excruciating. She's had two knee replacements and they did not go well. How do I stay optimistic and be realistic at the same time? But even as I write this, I know it's important for me to push past my fears. I've made the rational decision. And this is the time. I'm still fairly strong. But I'm in pain. This will allow me to do the things I love.. . right?

Using it up

OK, so since deciding that I'm going to do this surgery, I've made another decision: to go for it. You know, use my knee all the way up. Push past the pain and dance my ass off. That sort of thing. So I went dancing the other night. Took a Percocet* (I only take them when I'm desperate) and got on the floor and danced. I knew if I stopped, that would be it. I came home and iced. That was good. But man, on the way to work this morning, my knee hurt so much I actually cried. Not that I don't cry often. But usually it's because I'm PMS or mad. Or it takes actual surgery to make me cry. Last time I called my mom and dad in the middle of the night and bawled like a baby. Jeez. I decided you're never too old to cry to your mom and dad. Maybe you are. But I did it anyhow. So there. So, the pushing past the pain thing is sort of working. My doctor looked at me a little funny when I told him I wanted to use it up. He kind of shrugged, like hey, it's your knee. I can't really do more harm. But I'm learning my limits; pain does make you stop some things. I guess there's a reason it's there. Sigh. Note to self: cancel bungee jumping trip. Kidding, Mom.

* Note to Google: need to add Percocet to your spellcheck. Drugs are so popular!

Journey

The prosthesis my surgeon, Michael Ries, will be installing is called Journey. I haven't decided what I think about that, as I really don't know much about these things. But the name is thought provoking. At least it wasn't something like, Harmony or Happiness. I don't like false promises. But journey does seem like a good name. Apparently it's good for "younger" patients (those of us under 50) because it's supposed to last longer -- maybe 15 to 20 years. If I live a normal lifespan, I'll have to get another one of these. That's why the doctors don't like doing them in younger people. Who wants to go through this stuff twice? Maybe I'm crazy to be going through it even once. Sigh. Tell me I'm not crazy. Maybe I am.

Setting off metal detectors

On Wednesday January 23, 2007, I am scheduled to go under the knife. Yep. After six knee surgeries (I'll detail those later) and 35 years of dealing with knee issues, I'm going to get me a brand new knee. It's called a total knee replacement. The basic idea is that they cement in this plastic and metal joint to replace the one you messed up. But it hurts a lot more. That's the plan anyhow. Ask me ten times how I'm feeling about that and I'll give you at least five different answers, depending on several factors including my mood, my RCL (relative caffeine level), my pain level at the moment and my fear factor. Right now, I say yes. I'm doing it. I'll be setting off metal detectors soon. Well, as soon as I'm out of bed and can travel.